Sometimes being with him doesn’t feel real. It all seems so celestial and. I have to look at old photos of us just to prove that we exist. That we exist sometimes together. That when we do. It’s so beautiful it’s blinding.
I think the only thing that really hurts is the possibility that you’re as delusional as everyone thinks you are.
Mostly I wanted you to understand. I never wanted to hurt you. No. I never did. I just wanted the soft skin of your cheek against mine. I just wanted to listen to the rhythm of your body like it is my favorite song because. It is. I just wanted your warm pumping heart in sync with mine forever. I just wanted you. I never meant to bring all this shit with me. All this misunderstanding. All my apologies. I just picked them up along the way. I’m learning to let of these burdens. Learning that release can be beautiful. My fingers are uncurling around everything but you.